Fear of judgement. An interesting concept; something I admit to experiencing. Yet, I also espouse ‘I don’t care what other people think’. Last weekend I had an experience that led to an important realisation ( or two ) for me, in relation to this.

What Happened …

So … you may not know, probably don’t know. I have a small collection of Blythe dolls I make and sell clothes for them on etsy.

Last Saturday I attended Blythefest in Melbourne and had a trade table there. During the course of the day I was interviewed and photographed with my table and some of my dolls. I felt really very self conscious and awkward while speaking to the lovely reporter. Uncomfortable even. The next day I woke up feeling concerned as I realised that I felt that way because I spoke to her with filters, not my complete honest truth. When I spoke, it was with how my Partner would feel if he read what might be published, in mind. I spoke thinking about other people outside the doll community, that don’t know me that well, or at all and how they might judge me. I spoke as someone with knowledge of the doll community but not as a part of the doll community.

Ultimately I didn’t speak my truth.

My thoughts about this …

A part of the reason for this comes from within. Honestly as much as I like the dolls, there is a part of me that says its such a waste of energy, emotion, time and money. These are things, that could be more valuably invested. I suspect I could potentially be freeing up all that energy to invest in my family/self/blog/housework …. Things I see as holding more non material value and that would contribute to my general well being. This all feeds into my dislike of consumer culture, desire for simplicity and nature love. I am duplicitous! Not as in deceitful, as in there is a duality that sits uncomfortably within me.

Collecting dolls is in absolute opposition to what I otherwise am. What I believe. What I desire.

But its also not easy to let them go.

Then this happened …

I connected with a like minded soul on line and she shared this with me as part of a much longer conversation about self awareness and awakening :-

” …  ( my ) collecting colourful art and artifacts, are sanctioned by the universe because they keep me in a high vibrating happy place… so if they contribute to your high vibration, it cannot be a bad thing … Your struggle is your judgement borrowed from other people’s judgement of possessions. Don’t give a rip about other people’s take on it… I am comfortable with and love my possessions because wherever I turn I smile, and when I do, the universe does too. “

That all makes perfect sense to me. By the way this was I-Phimo Speaks who I originally connected with through Blythefest in 2016 but took it to a higher level last week. 🙂

But do the dolls contribute to my high vibe? … I think that’s another post …

Then I realised …

My fear of judgement is worn easily but was given to me by others, its a learned behaviour. To be judged by others could be seen as beneficial, rather than as something to fear. No one likes rejection but maybe its just the universe keeping me safe and protected from what doesn’t serve me? You too! There will be other people who get and love the vibe, they’re the ones I want around. The collective energy of those vibrating on the same or higher frequencies is welcome, we feed each other.

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